10 Lessons From a Maximum Security Prison
What a visit to Donovan taught me about humanity, humility, and what we’re all really craving
There are moments that stay in your body long after the memory fades.
Visiting the Richard J. Donovan Correctional Facility (RJD), a maximum-security state prison in San Diego, was one of those moments for me.
This wasn’t a tour.
It wasn’t curiosity.
It was connection.
Inside those concrete walls were men serving life sentences—some for acts so violent they’d never walk free again.
And yet…
I left feeling more free than I had in months.
I thought I was there to teach something.
To offer a bit of wisdom.
But the deeper truth?
They were my teachers.
Here’s what that visit taught me—about being human, about hope, and about the prison most of us don’t even know we’re in:
1. Connection is oxygen.
One man said, “This is the first time in 17 years I’ve felt seen.”
We all crave this. More than success. More than freedom.
To be seen is to exist.
2. Vulnerability transcends bars.
When someone cries in a room full of murderers, it shifts the energy.
The strongest person isn’t the one who hides pain. It’s the one who shares it without shame.
3. Many are more free inside than we are outside.
Some of these men were more emotionally available, present, and accountable than leaders I’ve coached in boardrooms.
Freedom isn’t external. It’s energetic.
4. Everyone has a story.
Not an excuse.
A story.
And when we understand someone’s pain, we don’t justify their actions—but we stop dehumanizing them.
5. Forgiveness is a portal.
Several men had done the work to forgive themselves.
Not to escape consequences, but to begin healing the child inside who didn’t know another way.
6. Presence heals.
I went in with a plan. Talking points. I came out with my heart opened.
And in a space that raw, presence becomes medicine.
You don’t need to fix. Just be there.
7. Survival mode distorts truth.
Every man I spoke with had lived in survival mode for years before their crime.
When your nervous system is hijacked, you don’t choose from wisdom. You choose from fear.
8. There’s a leader in every room.
I met a man who leads peace circles inside the prison. He had never known peace as a child.
But now, he teaches others to feel safe.
Leadership begins with healing.
And there is no such thing as “too late.”
9. Real remorse doesn’t perform.
It’s quiet.
It’s consistent.
And it’s rooted in a desire to give back, not get out.
10. There’s always a choice.
Even in a 6x9 cell.
To love.
To reflect.
To create meaning.
11. Humility is the real teacher.
I thought I was going in to give.
But they gave me something far greater:
A mirror.
A reminder.
And a humility I didn’t know I still needed.
I walked out of Donovan that day with a deeper knowing:
We’re all just trying to come home.
To ourselves.
To each other.
To that place inside that says, “You are good. You are whole. You still belong.”
We think we need a new job, a partner, a break.
But maybe what we really need… is to remember who we are.
And sometimes?
It takes visiting a prison to see how many of us are still living in one.
With love,
Unni🕊️
Did this resonate?
Forward it to someone who needs it. And if you’re ready to break out of the inner prison you didn’t even know you were in—come work with me.