7 Things I No Longer Do in Relationships

And what I do instead

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

For years, I thought the secret to strong relationships was being agreeable, working harder, and giving more. But after studying human behavior for a decade, and living through my own patterns, I’ve realized most of what we’re taught about relationships actually keeps us disconnected.

So here are seven things I no longer do in relationships — and what I’ve chosen instead:

1. I no longer play nice to keep the peace.
   Fake harmony is just delayed conflict. I choose truth, even if it shakes things up.

2. I no longer chase people to prove my worth.
   Real connection is mutual. If someone wants to be in my life, it shows. If not, I let them go.

3. I no longer tolerate energy drainers.
   If every conversation leaves me smaller, that’s not love or loyalty — that’s self-betrayal.

4. I no longer bond through gossip.
   Shared negativity isn’t intimacy. I want conversations that build, not corrode.

5. I no longer hand out endless chances.
   Patterns don’t lie. When people show me who they are, I believe them.

6. I no longer shrink to belong.
   If I have to abandon myself to fit in, I’m in the wrong room.

7. I no longer stay where trust is broken.
   Without trust, you’re just performing. I’d rather walk away than live on a stage.

Here’s the hard truth: most relationships don’t end because people change. They end because one person finally stops tolerating the dysfunction they used to call “love,” “loyalty,” or even “family.”

The shift is simple, but not easy: stop abandoning yourself for connection. When you choose self-connection first, you attract relationships that are real, rooted, and alive.

Which one of these do you most need to stop doing? Hit reply and tell me — I’d love to know.

With love,
Unni

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